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I don't want the ocean in my seashell  Somewhere along the way I've become a teacher. I knew life gave you experience from which you can draw for advice to others but I guess I didn't believe it until now. Me: a reliable friend to talk to about anything. Who knew. In other cryptic news, I'm feeling fine. I'm feeling better. I think life is great. I just need to learn to stop second guessing myself. I suppose I'm going through another one of those phases where I'm disenchanted with the whole blogging thing. Or maybe I have fallen victim to the trend of summarizing my life in a few lines and posting it as my status on Facebook. Although I don't change my status a whole lot. And I still have that feeling that my life isn't interesting enough to post about it. Do I sound whiny? Well, if I do I don't mean to. I guess I just have a lot to think about. I'll be going back to Japan in February. This time it's for a job. I'll be there for at least two years. So it's more waiting that Robert says he's more than willing to do for me. But I feel like I'm being too greedy in the relationship. Or maybe not honest, I don't know. When we got engaged before I left the first time it was for the most part a joke saying he wanted to get engaged to make sure I came back. So I came back. But did I really? Maybe some of the stress was because he had been unemployed for almost four months. But now he has a job again starting on Wednesday. A good job. With some good prospects. I'm sure he's glad about it. I'm happy for him. So now what? Is it fear of success? Fear of happiness? Will I come back from Japan or am I not ready to settle down? Should I come back to Robert just because he's willing to wait for me? Is it me? Is it him? Is it us? I'd go on but I'm just now a fan of blogging. I may post again every now and then but I never know what to say. When life is good I don't want to talk about it so it doesn't sound like I'm bragging. When things aren't so great I don't want to talk about it so I don't sound like I'm a whiny baby. I'm happy right now. I really am. I just have some things on my mind that have me wondering about the future. Que serra, I suppose. Current mood:  contemplative.
I've been photo-dumping on Facebook. I've uploaded nearly 100 of the pictures I've taken of all the Halloweekend paraphernalia around the park. Mostly of the things and not of the people or events. One main reason is that I work open to close all weekend long and don't have the opportunity to take pictures of the Screamsters or Monster Midway Invasion Celebration. I've also uploaded more pictures of just around the park in general. Once again, not of people and events so much as just things. But it is nice to have my shutter bug back. Now that I am free of Cedar Point's vice grip I will resume a real life. I'm going to detox (I indulges in a few too many fried goods, candy, and soda while there), start a more comprehensive workout routine than just walk for 15 miles a day, and refresh my Japanese communication skills. I've also been contemplating taking a refresher in French. It would do me some good should I visit my sister in France sometime. The mildly annoying process of re-applying for March placement to teach English in Korea has begun. I have to resubmit the application form since it's a little different and I think I need another criminal background check and a second recommendation letter but I think that's all I need to re-submit. It seems we are not totally understanding each other in our correspondences so a few more attempts at clarification should yield results. More updates as they come but I'm feeling pretty optimistic about the whole thing. I'm sure I'll be buying a ticket for Korea in a few months. Current mood:  thoughtful.
Pretty much over night it decides to get cold. I guess this is not unexpected since it is nearly October and all. Still, it seemed really overnight with no warning kind of thing. I tried the sushi place in Sandusky and it's a good place for sushi. I had heard from some others that other items on the menu weren't that great. But as my one friend said, you don't go to Red Lobster and order the steak. So I stuck with just the sushi and it was delicious. And of course, I had to restrain myself from talking about my time in Japan the entire time. But I did mention it on and off since, well, I just can't help it when I get sushi. After sushi last night we all watched Tremors. It was an amusing movie. So long as you don't go in with high expectations, it's funny and exciting. Not that you should go in with low expectations either! I'm just saying that a lot of people these days are judging old movies with new movie standards. So the effects aren't seamless. So there are some cheesy lines. At least in the case of Tremors, it's half a comedy anyway. I do like the horror movies that keep things lighter in mood. Still coping with things going on in the rest of my life. Plus, still no word from the consulate. I'll email them again tomorrow since that will mark two weeks I have waited patiently for a response. Current mood:  okay.
My time in Maryland was brief and mostly enjoyable. I got to have some sushi with Robert. He put up with it but I'll be honest, I would have enjoyed myself a bit more if I had been with someone who would have enjoyed themselves a bit more. He's quite the wet blanket at times. I had a nice visit with my brother. Lots of talking and laughing. I also brought him some buckeyes. I enjoyed making them for the family so that they could get a taste of Ohio. Unfortunately it was a bitter-sweet visit. The main reason I cam was to see my brother while I still had a chance. Also, my sister's cat (although he is largely just the family cat now but it was originally her idea to get him and she's the one who named him so it's always been a little bit more her cat in my mind) Jordan has taken a turn for he worse and we got some bad news at the vet today. He has a tumor in his mouth and he may not have much time left with us. :( We'll have to see. I can't imagine I'll have any good news tomorrow but I guess you gotta have some bad days to appreciate the good ones all the better. But, you know, I thought I was being plenty appreciative of the good days so that I wouldn't have to have these bad days so much. Or maybe it's that I don't have too many bad days that what I do have them the seem to really suck. But even my bad days aren't so bad compared to some other people so what should I be complaining about anyway. /rant In other news, my favorite song right now is "You Make Me Smile" by Uncle cracker. It, well, makes me smile. Still no word from the Consulate. I'm getting a little impatient but I'll hold out until October since that's when the formal application process starts and then I can ask them if I should just do it all over again or if I can just wait for my acceptance package (lol, optimistic much?) I have three more weekends at Cedar Point. I know I haven't blogged much about my time there but I've never been a bog blogger. I don't want to give off the attitude that I think my life is so interesting/important that other people want to constantly hear about it. But I suppose and overview of the season is merited. But like I'll ways, I'll just say right now that I'll get to it later and may or may not actually follow through with it. Current mood:  blank.
Turmoil of emotions has passed for now. Going to try and treat the cause more than the symptoms. I'm in a better mood but I still have a lot on my mind. I just have it more in check now so that I'm not over-thinking for the time being. Maybe I'm just having a better outlook on life today because I'm going to be in Maryland tomorrow and will get some free food, lodging, and a chance to force several people to eat sushi. And to top it off, when I get back next week I'm going to try the sushi place here in Sandusky with more willing individuals. So there's potentially a lot of sushi in my near future and that's enough to make me happy :P In other aspects of my life, I start a more long-term, permanent job on October 12th. More details to come about that. I'm also waiting to hear from the Korean Consulate as to whether I'll be allowed to apply for March placement. If I'm allowed and accepted again, there are plans for Robert to move in with his cousins in New York. This is all still uncertain, though. We'll just have to see what tomorrow brings. A recent trip to Toledo, OH to see some friends yielded amusing results which my camera decided to delete of its own free will before I had put the pictures on my computer. But that's just a good excuse to go see them again. Current mood: contemplative.
More and more I wonder about all the elements of my life and not so much how they are coming together but how they are flowing. I'm beginning to accept the fact life will never give me that moment of solidification. That moment where everything is still. So I go with the flow rather than go looking for solid ground. Don't get me wrong, I keep a certain amount of control. "Go with the flow" doesn't mean I'm not trying to go in a certain direction. But I wonder about where I am now and were I am really going. What do I really want? I have a career goal. I'm making efforts to achieve it over time (because I know things like this will take time) But can I have everything I am aiming for? Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too? Or is it that my eyes are bigger than my stomach? Am I over-analyzing certain things? Am I really looking closely enough before making a decision? I'm not talking about my decision to go to Korea. I know I want to do that because that is part of my achieving my career goal. I'm talking about my personal life. Are my career aspirations interfering with it? Is my personality interfering with my current personal life? "Trouble at home?" some of you may be wondering now. The trouble is within, affecting the world around me. And the world around me is causing this look inward. I need to talk but I want to keep my secrets. This all sounds so ridiculous as I look at it now in writing. Is the emotion there? Is it enough? When will we get though this? I know what you mean and I know that you mean it but.... Am I happy? Will I be? Current mood:  melancholy.
Guess I'm not so good at keeping this updated. If anyone out there is listening, I'll be in MD on the 21st. Not sure how long I'll stay but I will be there for all who wish to catch up and etc... Nora, we need to get sushi again at that place!! OH MY GOD IT WAS AMAZING!!!! That is all for now... Current mood:  hungover.
So I haven't been on the internet much. It really wasn't because it's terribly hard or inconvenient to get on, it's just that my old laptop was so damn difficult to use. The L key and the backspace didn't work, the screen would go dark sometimes, the speakers didn't work, the CD drive was broken. Plus it was heavy, cracked and warped. So I finally found the time to get myself a new laptop. I was thinking HP but I wound up with a Toshiba because the specks were exactly the same and $100 cheaper. So I'm getting use to the feel of it and such and I may be on a little more often now since it's not so difficult to type or surf the internet anymore. As for work, things have been going well here. We're a little over staffed but it's not bothering me much. I decided to stick around through the Hallow-weekends and re-apply for the EPIK program in spring or fall of next year. This will give me time to have an actual wedding. Plus I kind of like it here now that's I've really made some friends and am socializing and such. I've been trying to keep up with personal journaling so I can rememeber this summer. As cheesey as it sounds I will miss it when it's over. I haven't been taking many pictures either so I'm worried it'll all fade too quickly. I've been going to more activities and such and it is a lot more fun than a full nights sleep. hahaha. Well, there's too much to be said so I'll just pick up from this point and update my LJ a little more often again. It still won't be terribly frequent since my social life is much more interesting than sitting around on the internet all day. Current mood:  giddy.
So my day stated off yesterday with meeting Dick Kinzel. The day itself was fairy ordinary and good and didn't get interesting until the evening. I went out to Louie's for the first time with some of my crew. It was alright but it just wasn't doing it for me so I decided to head back. While on my way back I meet a guy in the parking lot and we get to talking and I end up going back to his room for a sprite. (Though he still totally owes me going out for drinks ;P) We talk for a little while more and then I leave to go back to my apartment. But then I come across Keven. So I go hang out with him for a while and before you know it it's 2am. It was much more interesting than I'm making it sound here but I'm not going to tell all the details since some of it is secret Cedar Point employee only stuff. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I have privileged information! Also, some it was flirty and I've been getting enough hassle from my crew about flirting while engaged. And so my private life stays private. Imagine that; not posting the most intimate details about my life on a public forum. Something beyond the youth these days. Now it's off to take a shower (maybe; I might wait until morning) and going to bed. I have a split tomorrow but then a 1:30 close Wednesday so I could potentially do some more hanging out tomorrow night. Then I have to wait until my day off on Sunday before I can do stuff again without worry of losing sleep. I'm still conflicted as to whether I should stay around here or go to the new apartment and unpack my stuff and see Robert and such. I suppose we'll see as my social life progresses over the next few days. Current mood:  amused.
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